


Dumblepot

by Pink_Haired_Queer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, I Don't Even Know, I lied, I'm Not Ashamed, I'm Sorry, I'm sorry Dumbledore, M/M, Not What It Looks Like, Please don't kick the shit out of me, THIS IS SATIRE, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This is not to be taken seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 11:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pink_Haired_Queer/pseuds/Pink_Haired_Queer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dumbledore gets molesty and Harry is there</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dumblepot

Harry gulped.

He hated being summoned to Professor Dumbledore's office. The Professor always stood just a little bit too close, and gave him lollypops that he wanted him to eat right there, and always patted his head when he left.

"Sit down, Harry," Dumbledore said, peering over his half-moon specatacles. "I heard you hexed Vincent Crabbe today."

"He started it!" Harry said,defensively. He didn't want to mention that Crabbe had walked in on him and Draco snogging. Harry had hexed him so he would shut up.

"But Harry, you know I don't hold you responsible," Dumbledore said.

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Of course not," Dumbledore said, standing up from behind his desk and walking up to Harry. "You're special," he all but whispered.

Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder. He was too close. Harry tried to back away, but Dumbledore pulled him closer.

"Oh, you're all tense," Dumbledore muttered, and started massaging Harry's shoulders. Harry started to feel molested. Dumbledore started breathing into Harry's ear, huffing louder and harder, with his old-man breath that smelled of socks and mouldy sherbert lemons.

Harry stood as still as he could, the way ypou do when a wasp lands on you, while Dumbledore wheezed into Harry's ear, all the while pinching his shoulders. As soon as Dumbledore let go of Harry he jumped up and started backing away to the door.

Dumbledore followed, coming up closer, and started rubbing himself against Harry.

"Please, Professor, stop!"

"Harry, let me love you!"

"No!"

"Harry, love is the only thing Lord Voldemort doesn't have! Together we can defeat him!"

"Not like this!"

"Love is love, Harry," Dumbledore said, coming even closer.

"Nooo!!" Harry cried in horror, at the thought of Dumbledore's wrinkly old-man penis-

 

He woke up, safely held in Draco's arms.

"You had a nightmare, love," Draco muttered, kissing Harry.

"Thank Merlin it was only a dream!" Harry said. They fell asleep again.

 

Up in his tower Dumbledore sat in his room, rubbing his hands together. "Soon," he muttered.


End file.
